guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
