weddingsv make me drug and hornr
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
