She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
