Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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