My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
