I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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