this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So much rum. So many feels.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
