we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
