either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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