absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
