Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
