all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
