I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
