The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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