There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
