you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Randomize
