Where did you get a picture of my penis
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
