I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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