you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are all done wearing pants today
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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