Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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