my vag is so smooth its legendary
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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