Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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