So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
