If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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