i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
