Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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