You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
