She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
