i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
