u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
