I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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