Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
