There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
