come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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