tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
