shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
