CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
How external is "for external use only"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
