when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
