she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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