We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
