Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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