dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
