to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Couch. On fire.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
