Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
