A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
