I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
