Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
