She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
