do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
