I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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