Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
